If we have talked at all in the last eight years, you have probably heard me complain about the mess in my house. The dirty, messy, out of control, disorganized mess that is my house. I really struggle with this. Like, eye twitching hair pulling struggle. I’m like Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda, meditating, saying “inner peace…in-in-innnner peeace…” when really there is turmoil inside. That poor little panda guy was so uptight! Until, big fat sloppy messy unrefined Po came along and shook him up, shook his world, freaked him out, and ultimately brought him that inner peace. Irony.
(99% positive I can reference kids movies here, right? If you haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda, go check it out, it’s awesome.)
So is there a lesson here? I don’t know, because really I was so very peaceful when I had a Feng Shui home with everything pretty and organized and I had time to meditate and do my yoga. This was so long ago, and I’m still trying to get with this new chaos! Because of this, I think this whole thing goes a lot deeper than the things around me. I stress so much about the dishes that don’t ever get done because that fucking maid never shows up, the laundry-that-is-the-floor, the PEE…the PEE everywhere! Seriously, Because Boys… I have seen them stand there and yell over their shoulder while peeing, and you know, the head turns, the body turns, the PEE turns….I get it, there’s a hose attached to their body, WEEE! So I stress, because I just can’t keep up. I mean, I could, but then when would I do anything else? So this is me sitting in forced meditation, trying to will inner peace, fighting the truth. The eye twitches thinking about all of the work…
Here’s the truth, I never have liked cleaning. I was able to maintain when I was alone, and even when it was just me and *Late for Dinner. But when it’s me vs. four males, I am more than outnumbered. Period. I would have to become psycho-crazy-clean-rules-enforcer to keep things nice, and I just can’t be happy that way. How can I enforce those rules if I never follow them anyway? I don’t even like rules. I never have liked rules, so I keep the house rules pretty durn basic. Like, you have to at least have on underwear to sit on the couch; and if you drop food on the floor, pick it up and eat it. Because we don’t waste food. This is unless you are a toddler, in which case you may throw all of your food on the floor as long as you return to pick it up and finish it two hours later. I am sure he plans this. He knows I won’t sweep it up before then.
Having very basic rules decreases eye twitches, because this is really just about getting up from that meditation cushion, and throwing Po some cookies. I have tasted big gulps of that inner peace while letting my boys play outside barefoot, sometimes in underwear, filthy, and *gasp* without sunscreen for a whole hour! I’ve seen flashes of that inner peace when making the decision to keep a trampoline in my dining room through the recent WINTER FROM HELL, because even though we could barely move around the room, my boys could jump their crazies out during the darkest coldest days. Mismatched socks, untucked sheets, no more bathroom counter… I watch the baby throw his food on the floor, and take a breath. I will not try to force peace, peace just happens at the center of the storm. One of Osho’s Zen Tarot cards says “Stand in the center of the cyclone and relax, and know that this too will pass.” Or if you’re Shifu, get up and train your Po.
And here comes one of those little cyclones to pick up his floor food, two hours after breakfast. And that my friend, is some kind of inner peace.
* Husband and I were talking about what I should call him here, and he said “Just don’t call me late for dinner. “