You are Glorious

Some days I feel like Annie from Overboard.  Who am I and what happened to my real life?  I am pretty sure I am supposed to be filthy rich and living on a luxury yacht, and my memory should return any day now.  (So that’s why I refuse to do the dishes and expect my laundry done for me!)



Other days I’m her: (Dot, not Ed)Image

“You soak his thumb in iodine you might avoid the orthodonture…gotta git his DIP TET!….Ya take that diaper OFF your head ya PUT it back onto your sister!”

I found myself saying similar things the other day…”That’s just what you have to do with kids.  They get hurt every day, but if there’s no blood and they can still walk, they’ll be just fine.”  (p.s. I think it’s kind of disturbing that I feel like her sometimes, and maybe I should look at this more closely and possibly get professional help.)

But wait!  There’s good news!  The super reliable facebook quiz entitled “which tv mom are you?” says that I am HER:

ImageSo, yeah…woot!  I’ll take it.  Those quizzes don’t lie, you know.  I’m gonna go ahead and roll with it, and (ahem) get to work on my abs.  Facebook quiz says I’m fun, spicy, real, and I tell it like it is.  That’s right, now where’s my giant house and sexy accent?!  

So here’s what I get from this:

Whether you’re having a Dot day, or an Overboard year, the world probably sees you as Gloria.  One out of four facebook quizzes agrees.  And if you still feel kind of Dot-ish, just PRETEND you’re glorious Gloria!  ACT AS IF.  This is a saying that has not failed me.  ACT AS IF, and it shall be.  Throw your head back, boost those boobies, and think “What would Gloria do?”  Or something like that…because I can definitely ride a bike and she can’t…ok so she’s not Jesus or anything, but you know what I’m saying.  Just be fabulous, and if you don’t feel it, act as if.  No one will know the difference.

For example, I am pretty sure that Tuna believed me when I swore I wasn’t crying in the ER with him.  Because I needed him to see the strong mom, like a rock, solid and by his side.  Even when the docs tried to call me out, I insisted that I was FINE, and let’s please focus on HIM.  Don’t MESS with me, I have a job to do, and that is to ACT AS IF I am the strongest mama on the planet right now. I acted as if I was fine, but I was a blubbering mess on the inside.  I used my low, powerful voice, and told them to back off. This is what we have to do, or else risk blowing our cover.  We are Gloria, proud and strong.  No one needs to know that we are a blubbering Annie on the inside.  I did not boost the boobies in that moment, however.  That would not have been appropriate, you know.

Or if you’re a dad, you’re probably not this guy, even if you feel like it…although LateforDinner seems to have proud Glen moments in which he quotes him loudly, which is also disturbing, and now that I think of it maybe some professional help is in order–for him.

(And if you’re reading my blegh, you’re definitely super dad.)

I hope you’re all joining me now in a Glorious celebration of confidence manifestation!  I’m gonna go manifest those abs while I’m at it.



  1. This is hysterically funny and incredibly true at the same time. A sense of humor is essential to good parenting both for you and your kids. And “act as if” is a lifesaver! When your boys are older you can let them in on the secret for their benefit and yours. Knowing their mom is human and strong will make them better men. Keep up the good work



  2. Story of my life. Don’t tell my clients. Oh – I don’t have any anymore!
    It substitutes for many of those boxes you are supposed to check in life.

    Liked by 1 person


  3. I remember many “act as if” moments. One was when you, Jen, cut your wrist to the bone when a glass light fixture fell on you. I should have won an Oscar for it. And if “act as if” doesn’t work, I’ll be in my blanket fort, coloring.



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