Another penis post, and hangin’ with friends

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IMG_20150720_125422We have some new friends who keep inviting us back to hang out with them.  It’s so amazing to meet people who actually relate to our level of madness!  These friends have a pool, and they seem to like having us over to swim, because we’ve been invited BACK!  Now, I’m not downplaying our coolness or anything, but the level of energy that we bring as an entire family unit is a little overwhelming to most “normal” families.  It’s a bit much to handle, so small doses or infrequent visits are the norm. It’s ok, we are totally cool with it.  We accept our awesomeness and intensity as being too much for most.  Our new friends have the same level of awesomeness and attractiveness (Kung Fu Panda reference there), and it is really refreshing.

So one day we were swimming at their house.  They have three kids as well–two girls who are similar ages to Tuna and Binker, and a boy Squishy’s age. Swimming was fun. I got to (sort of) talk to my friend while we got a work out catching our fearless toddlers as they leapt into the pool whether we were ready to catch them or not. Super relaxing.  I hear there is a place we will someday come to with happy little swimmers who do not need us to have repetitive mild heart attacks.  I envision margaritas, large floating chairs, and occasional rainbows.  Perhaps even people to bring me the margaritas… ahhhhh.  What? hmph.

It could happen.

On this fun day, my friend and I had many “Oh, I SO love your family because we are all just as WEIRD as you are!!  Yay weird!” moments.  Among all of the WTF moments from the things our kids said and did, there are two in particular that gave me warm Kindred Spirit fuzzies. (I could write a book solely on Binker-isms.)  When I finally wrangled all of the boys inside to change, my friend told me that her oldest (who is like a Girl Tuna) had just come down the stairs completely naked asking where he clothes were.  She had to shoo her back upstairs because there were boys there!  But before this could happen, there had to be a discussion about why. Girl Tuna had no idea why this was even an issue.

So my Tuna then came in, unaware of this incident, and went into the main floor bathroom to change.  I gave him everything he needed to do the job: towel, dry clothes, instructions to wrap his suit in the towel. Simple, right?

Wrong.

“Mommmmmyyyy!  I can’t use this soap to wash my hands because it has shea butter in it!” (he has nut allergies)

“Tuna, we’ve been over this, there is dish soap in that bottle”

“oh yeah”

“Mommmmyyyy! Where are my clothes?”

“Look right in front of you.”

“Where?”

Silence.  Meaningful/understanding/humorous look exchange with my friend.

“Oh, now I see them, haha.”

“Mommmmyyy!”

“WHAT.”

“It’s hard to change when I’m wet.”

I swear, this boy just says things to say things.

“Mommmy!”  Now he opens the door and comes out completely naked, with his goggles still on.

“Tuna!  Close the door and get your clothes on!”

“Oh. Yeah.”  Closes the door.

“Mommy?  Why does it matter if I’m naked or not?  Why is my penis private?  Why are private parts private?”

All of the girls were within earshot and THANK GOD my friend was doubled over laughing and not horrified!!  I LOVE her!

“Tuna, we have discussed this (we’ve had “the talk”.), and it’s not appropriate to discuss with younger kids here, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. But I still don’t understand why my penis is private, I mean, it’s just part of my body!  There is nothing wrong with all of the parts of our bodies!  It’s how we were made!”  Then he starts singing happily.

“Ok Tuna, are you dressed yet?”

“No.”

Facepalm.

“Mommmyyy?  Where are my glasses?”  He opens the door, this time in his underwear.

“CLOTHES!”

“Oh, right.  But look, I did wrap my bathing suit in the towel!”

“Way to go, dude.”

Sometimes the BIG THOUGHTS in life are more important than putting clothes on.  And, finding people who will laugh along with you is so so very very important.  We have slowly been finding our tribe, and it feels great.  A few years ago, we would talk about having family friends we could easily hang with, and our talk eventually invited those friends.  Your thoughts create your reality, ya know.  So, when you find the people who keep inviting you back BECAUSE of your weirdness, rather than DESPITE it, you have found your tribe.IMG_20150720_130504

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Nothing but Flowers

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Tuna and I were chatting today, and he told me that the 10-year-old neighbor boy has his ears pierced.  My reaction was surprise, a little shock, and sadly judgmental.  He said, “well, so-and-so has her ears pierced and she’s way younger”.  I said, “yeah but she’s a girl.  Well, I guess I was eight when I had my ears pierced, but I’m a girl.”

And I stopped myself.  I realized what I was saying, and how I had reacted with sexism at the forefront of my mind.  Tuna just looked at me and watched me analyze myself, all the while grinning because he knew this all along.

Such humility, and how far I still have to go.  I wonder what other prejudiced, sexist, racist, classist, _______-ist behaviors and thoughts have cemented themselves in my subconscious… Those isms are sneaky, sliding into our inauthentic selves, stifling and hardening over the truths of what really IS.

Rather than holding onto the shame I feel from this, I am choosing to realize that It’s gonna take some more jack-hammering lessons from the kiddos in my life to clear out those isms, and the simple truths underneath these isms may have room to grow and flourish again.  The Talking Heads song “Nothing But Flowers” sums it up:  “This was a shopping mall, now it’s all covered with flowers.”

We don’t need to believe that only girls can pierce their ears any more than we need that shopping mall.  Once we keep only what matters, and allow those isms to fall away, nature will prevail and we’ll all be covered with flowers, boys and girls alike.