Emojis and Blue Phallic Jellyfish

Standard

Yesterday, the girl at the drive through said “hi” to Binker as if he were 2 years old. He’s actually like 18 in his mind, so he just stared at her and said “Hi” back in a monotone voice. She asked what grade he’s in (This is not the typical “here’s your happy meal” interaction, right?), and I said kindergarten. In a singsong voice she said “Oh, I’m a junior in high school! You have to catch up to mee! Hehe, I’m just kidding, bye bye!” Binker and I drove away, and I swear he was also thinking “WHAT was THAT?” I said something like “Well, she was friendly”, but he wasn’t buying it. And ironically, his stuffed emoji in his happy meal was the “Whatever” face. whatever emoji

Later on, a discussion in one of my facebook groups got me thinking about the interactions we have with strangers. Why do we ask “how are you today?”  Is it because we really want to know, or just because it’s polite?  Most of the time it’s “I’m fine, thanks”, and you move on with your business.  Sometimes (too often with me) it’s “nice to meet your problemsImeanyou”.  I must have “tell me all about your kids/divorce/illness/random problem” on my forehead, and our conversation turns into a psychology session.  So, maybe that’s why I am wary of talking to strangers…and sometimes actually looking at them…and sometimes going out into public at all… 

I find that sometimes these random personal conversations do hold some meaning, and it’s a significant exchange.  I live with the belief that there’s meaning in everything. So, I could take away from that interaction a reminder that my Binker is unique, and that we in our family thrive on mindful discussion.  I’m not sure how many five-year-olds would look at that girl as anything other than friendly.  So, I guess we have to acknowledge that these boring, unintelligent, and seemingly meaningless interactions are always there to show us something. (That’s why I made sure to say that the girl was nice.) We just have to consciously remember to think this way, you know, to avoid the slip into existential dread.

Binker is totally allowed to think “whatever” though!  I mean really, she might as well have hovered a squeaky toy above his head.

In honor of mindfulness, and finding the sunny side and all that, I will now show you my mother’s day gift.  It was chosen by Tuna and Binker, and I have given it a place of honor on my sunny back porch.  I did such a good job of  NOT LAUGHING when I opened it! They went to one of my favorite stores, walked all over the store, and chose this phallic blue jellyfish just for me.  I was the best actress!  I do like it, and HAHAHAHAHA it’s a four-tailed chiming glass sperm!!!!!  Look at its sparkling magnificence in the sun! Thanks, boys.  This made my optimistic day.  Happy Mother’s day, and may all of you find the joy and humor in your seemingly meaningless moments.  

blue jellyfish

Advertisements

Another penis post, and hangin’ with friends

Standard

IMG_20150720_125422We have some new friends who keep inviting us back to hang out with them.  It’s so amazing to meet people who actually relate to our level of madness!  These friends have a pool, and they seem to like having us over to swim, because we’ve been invited BACK!  Now, I’m not downplaying our coolness or anything, but the level of energy that we bring as an entire family unit is a little overwhelming to most “normal” families.  It’s a bit much to handle, so small doses or infrequent visits are the norm. It’s ok, we are totally cool with it.  We accept our awesomeness and intensity as being too much for most.  Our new friends have the same level of awesomeness and attractiveness (Kung Fu Panda reference there), and it is really refreshing.

So one day we were swimming at their house.  They have three kids as well–two girls who are similar ages to Tuna and Binker, and a boy Squishy’s age. Swimming was fun. I got to (sort of) talk to my friend while we got a work out catching our fearless toddlers as they leapt into the pool whether we were ready to catch them or not. Super relaxing.  I hear there is a place we will someday come to with happy little swimmers who do not need us to have repetitive mild heart attacks.  I envision margaritas, large floating chairs, and occasional rainbows.  Perhaps even people to bring me the margaritas… ahhhhh.  What? hmph.

It could happen.

On this fun day, my friend and I had many “Oh, I SO love your family because we are all just as WEIRD as you are!!  Yay weird!” moments.  Among all of the WTF moments from the things our kids said and did, there are two in particular that gave me warm Kindred Spirit fuzzies. (I could write a book solely on Binker-isms.)  When I finally wrangled all of the boys inside to change, my friend told me that her oldest (who is like a Girl Tuna) had just come down the stairs completely naked asking where he clothes were.  She had to shoo her back upstairs because there were boys there!  But before this could happen, there had to be a discussion about why. Girl Tuna had no idea why this was even an issue.

So my Tuna then came in, unaware of this incident, and went into the main floor bathroom to change.  I gave him everything he needed to do the job: towel, dry clothes, instructions to wrap his suit in the towel. Simple, right?

Wrong.

“Mommmmmyyyy!  I can’t use this soap to wash my hands because it has shea butter in it!” (he has nut allergies)

“Tuna, we’ve been over this, there is dish soap in that bottle”

“oh yeah”

“Mommmmyyyy! Where are my clothes?”

“Look right in front of you.”

“Where?”

Silence.  Meaningful/understanding/humorous look exchange with my friend.

“Oh, now I see them, haha.”

“Mommmmyyy!”

“WHAT.”

“It’s hard to change when I’m wet.”

I swear, this boy just says things to say things.

“Mommmy!”  Now he opens the door and comes out completely naked, with his goggles still on.

“Tuna!  Close the door and get your clothes on!”

“Oh. Yeah.”  Closes the door.

“Mommy?  Why does it matter if I’m naked or not?  Why is my penis private?  Why are private parts private?”

All of the girls were within earshot and THANK GOD my friend was doubled over laughing and not horrified!!  I LOVE her!

“Tuna, we have discussed this (we’ve had “the talk”.), and it’s not appropriate to discuss with younger kids here, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. But I still don’t understand why my penis is private, I mean, it’s just part of my body!  There is nothing wrong with all of the parts of our bodies!  It’s how we were made!”  Then he starts singing happily.

“Ok Tuna, are you dressed yet?”

“No.”

Facepalm.

“Mommmyyy?  Where are my glasses?”  He opens the door, this time in his underwear.

“CLOTHES!”

“Oh, right.  But look, I did wrap my bathing suit in the towel!”

“Way to go, dude.”

Sometimes the BIG THOUGHTS in life are more important than putting clothes on.  And, finding people who will laugh along with you is so so very very important.  We have slowly been finding our tribe, and it feels great.  A few years ago, we would talk about having family friends we could easily hang with, and our talk eventually invited those friends.  Your thoughts create your reality, ya know.  So, when you find the people who keep inviting you back BECAUSE of your weirdness, rather than DESPITE it, you have found your tribe.IMG_20150720_130504

Just get the pig

Standard

IMG_20150313_185741

Me: Ask me for something ridiculous.

Tuna: “Can I jump off a cliff blindfolded while holding a python?”

Me:  “When pigs fly! Ha!”  He thought it was hilarious.  That boy totally gets my humor.

I originally thought this amazing creation would hold a place on my piano so that every time one of them asked me for something I could just point to the pig.  “Mommy, can I have a pet hamster?”  I point to the pig.  “Mommy, can I tie my skateboard to the car with a rope and see how fast it will go?”  (Hasn’t happened yet, but it will.)  Point to the pig.  “Mommy, can I put my drum set in my bedroom?” Point to the pig.

This pointing will totally happen from now on, but it turns out this special guy is holding a place for a much bigger reason.  I originally saw it about a month ago.  I thought it was great!  It made me laugh!  I loved it!  I almost bought it, but then that not-me-judgy-intruder voice in my head said “nah, it’s too weird. Don’t get it, it’s tacky, it’s too much, it’s over the top…”  I took a stupid picture of it instead of just buying it.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the flying pig.  I wished I had bought it, I sighed every time I went back looking for another one and it wasn’t there.  I kicked my self wondering why I didn’t just get it when I could.

So Squishy is getting molars, and he has been whiny/screamy/pissy for about a week now.  I have almost lost my marbles a few times, and thankfully Latefordinner helps me keep them from rolling too far.  I had to get away from the colicky toddler yesterday, so I flew out the door the second Latefordinner got home.  I had a few minutes before yoga, so I stopped just to see if maybe possibly that piggy was at the store,  And it was!!

Now, I realize it’s not normal to obsess about a ceramic pig with wings, and I was abnormally giddy when I found this thing again. I felt like I was being rewarded for taking care of myself though, and I floated up to the register with its wings.  A few people  just looked away, but the woman in line behind me started cracking up!  She had a thick accent, and said “I never have seen that kind before!”  I grinned and said “Yeah, I’m going to just point to it whenever one of my boys asks for something outrageous,”  And she doubled over laughing!!! She was in tears!

I felt amazing as I walked out with my pig.  He just made TWO people’s day!  What else was he capable of? The place he now holds is one of power and pride for me.  I will never again deny my natural state of weirdness.  There is so much freedom in flight!

Question:  Will I forget that I don’t have to listen to not-me-judgy-intruder-voice ever again?

Answer:  Point to the pig.

Fathead

Standard

Ok so this happened today:

I was at the store with Binker and Squishy.  Hum de dum, just getting some groceries, when suddenly Binker’s dark side came out.  A lady was just doing her shopping, walking past us, when he looks at her and says “you are a fathead.”  

WHAT?!

I did a double take, asked him what he said, and she answered “He said I am a fathead.”

Wellll, this is a new one…  My sweet little Tuna would never have called a stranger a name like that.  He’s more of a tell-stranger-his-life-story kind of kid, with a lot of charming smiles going on, maybe a song and dance.  This whole calling strangers mean names thing is, um, weird, wrong, and kind of funny!  Binker just turned four.  He is learning.

Now, if a four-year-old said that to me in a store, I would handle it much differently than this lady.  I would call him out, tell him that’s not nice, and that I, in fact, have a very nice head.  I would probably tell him he had a nice, regular-sized head too, laugh, and move on.  This would definitely take the embarrassment off of mom, and tell the kid in a nice way that he shouldn’t say that.  But that’s just me, I guess.  This lady seriously looked like she was going to cry!  Like really, she was going to cry.  Of course I explained that he should apologize, and, uh, say something nice to her… I really think that he psychically picked up on her deep insecurity and unconsciously aired it for her.  (To be fair, she did kind of have an extra large head…)

He felt bad, said sorry, and I think he was embarrassed.  He is four.

It ended ok, but…wtf?  A fathead?!  (Snigger, snort.)  And would a four-year-old make you cry?  I don’t get embarrassed easily, but I did today.  I also thought it was hilarious.  A little conflicting, I know…. Normally I would dive into the psychology of this and try to figure out if I have failed him somehow by not teaching him before this that he shouldn’t call strangers mean names (only friends and family of course). Is there something happening to his psyche that makes him mean and cruel?  Blah blah, worry worry.  But I just didn’t this time.  I think he is just four, and learns things from his big brother and neighbors that he doesn’t understand.  It’s really that simple.  Now he knows, and some lady has faced her insecurity thanks to my psychic preschooler.  Yep.